Tadpoles

While I was running yesterday, the girls spent the day fishing and canoeing with their dad. They arrived home with a zip lock bag filled with tadpoles. They were bubbling with excitement to dump them into an empty container that Alexa had and watch them grow legs. I had my reservations about this process. To begin with, I knew they would need more water than what they had. Being that I am on city water my tap water contains chlorine. I knew that would kill them. Their dad dropped off a gallon of spring water. I am was not sure about using that as I seem to remember reading that a lot of "spring waters" are really not any better than the tap water. I went ahead and used it though and at this point they seem to be OK. This brought me to my next problem, what do they eat? I mean surely the little buggers need to eat something right?

So I did a little research online. It was recommended that they love lettuce, boiled lettuce. So off we went this morning to City Market. We decided to go with the Vermont Green Organic lettuce. I figured Vermont tadpoles must want Vermont lettuce right? And it seemed best to get the stuff without all the chemicals. I don't want those six legged frogs. The lettuce was also appealing to some small children as well.

We boiled the lettuce for the recommended 10 minutes.

I have never boiled lettuce before and I have to say it stinks. Not as bad as the ever present smell of smoke outside today blowing down from wildfires in Quebec, but bad enough. Next we were to chop it up and spread it on a tray to freeze it.

Apparently we give them a small pinch every couple of days. I also dug out the old fish bowl from the basement and cleaned it up. Left over from Chloe's fish phase when we went through four Betta fish named Otto before giving up. The tadpoles seem happy enough in their new home. We have noticed that the bits of lettuce float around and they seem to swarm it. We are assuming that they are eating it. Although they could be sleeping for all we know.

In case you are wondering this is a catch and release operation. Once we have frogs we will be heading down to the lake to release them. Despite Alexa's attempts to convince me otherwise.

Half Marathon

Today I ran the Vermont City Marathon as part of a two person relay team. I wasn't going to run the race at all this year. Last year, I had a really tough race. It really shook me mentally. That combined with a foot injury that I have been nursing for the better part of nine months has left me running much shorter distances. Mostly four to six miles for most of the winter. I had only recently started to develop some type of a training plan targeting some vague future goal. Two weeks ago I ran a seven and was experimenting with some pacing/ training ideas for the following weekend. That Monday when I got to work I saw and email sent out by a coworker to the whole faculty. She was running the marathon as part of a two person team and her teammate was injured in a car accident. She needed a new partner to run the 13.1 mile leg. I thought about it off and on all day. Eventually, I sent her an email telling her that I could run it. I explained that if she was looking to race it and needed speed then I wasn't in the shape for that, but if she just wanted to have someone run it then that I could do.

In reality, as it has been closing in on the race weekend I was missing doing the race. I have run that race every Memorial Day Weekend for the last three years. In the years prior to that I was water support for someone else, and once ran it  as a part of a five person relay team. It was really weird to have no connection to it at all this year. The girls were really sad. They have apparently become rather attached to my medal collection as they have started some of their own.

I have to say I had a lot of fun doing the relay. It was weird to be at the start of the race and not start (I ran the second half). I hung out with Erin's (my teammate) husband Matt, their two kids, and a friend of theirs who's fiance was running the half too. I cheered for people and wandered my way down to the relay exchange. Waiting out the two hours until I took over.

It was perfect weather for running cloudy and mid- upper 60's. I felt sort of bad as I was now passing a steady stream of marathoners as my legs were much fresher than theirs. Physically, I felt really good and had a good time for the first seven miles or so. I did have some slow down, as I had not trained as I would have to build the endurance. In the end I clocked myself at a 1:58. Not a very fast half for me, but under the circumstances of my lack of training I was happy. I definitely have never entered Waterfront Park feeling as peppy as I did. I even walked the mile home.

I did miss running the full thing. I also really missed all the people that come to cheer and hand me waters. For the last few years we have had a family cookout after the race. This year I came home to an empty house, and then had to go grocery shopping. Which is not anywhere near as nice as people cooking me food and bringing it to me. That treat alone might just be worth enduring the 26.2 again.

YAM Scram

Today was the YAM Scram race at Waterfront Park. Both girls were signed up to run the 1/2 mile. This was Chloe's third year running it, but Alexa's first. You have to be 4 years old to run it. Alexa has patiently watched her sister run this race for the last two years and boy was she excited to have her turn. She woke me up at 6 AM this morning jumping in my bed , "Mommy today is my race and I am so excited." She lost some of that excitement as it was replaced by fear when we arrived at the park. She spotted some people dressed in costumes. Alexa is terrified of mascots. She relaxed after we got away from them and over to the tent to pick up her bib number. Alexa was number 123 and Chloe was 122. We then went to the tent for bib decorating. This was a big hit with Chloe last year.

As you can see they added a lot of extras.

Ready to go!

Start line!

They did a great job. Chloe ran off ahead during the race but dropped back to us towards the end. Chloe was really sick on Thursday night and ended up at the doctors on Friday. I really didn't think she would be up to running, but she was determined. I can relate as I ran the 2008 Vermont City Marathon with a low fever. Sometimes you are just not missing out no matter how crummy you might feel. Alexa plugged away combining some running and some walking. They crossed the finish line together holding hands.

Finisher's medals and water!

Memorial

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.


Garrison Keillor
 

Aunt Evelyn, you knew how to play funny. We will remember your humor, your laughter, and your kindness. You were loved. In my version of what comes next, you and my dad will be doing a lot of laughing.  

(My dad and Evelyn 1941)

Friends

I love this picture of Alexa. It isn't recent. It was taken over a year ago in February 2009 at my sister Andrea's wedding. I didn't even take the picture. Their friend Jeff, doubling as wedding photographer, did. She is surrounded by my mom (white shoes) and sister Cherie (red shoes) and someone else I can't identify by the shoes. The picture is a little fuzzy, but I still love it. Look at her, she looks a little lost doesn't she? Standing in the middle of all these grown ups. Some she doesn't even know, and everyone is just so tall. She looks so bewildered like, how did I get here and who are these people?

Alexa and I were driving home yesterday and we had a little conversation that went a little something like this:

"Mommy would like to live by the beach?"

"You know, Alexa, I have always wanted to live next to the beach. It would be great wouldn't it?"

"Let's do it Mommy. Let's move our house there. I would help carry it."

"Oh, Lex it doesn't work like that houses are to big to move that far. You sell your house and pack all your things in boxes. Then you buy a new house and move all your things to the new house."

"But Mommy I like our house. We could do it. We could move it. I know we have some friends that would help us lift it."

I love that she knows that. That friends will help you especially if you are feeling a little lost and bewildered. I have had some amazing people step forward this week for me. I am very grateful to you all. I thank Marti for books on meditation (I am becoming so balanced you will all be so proud), Robin for an amazing scrap book that still has me laughing (I think we should head out on another adventure. We need fresher pictures... and God knows we need better outfits!), and Renae for just dumping the whole bag of chocolate on my desk after that meeting and then standing with me while we just ate. Life really does just hand you everything you need to get through. Now, who wants to help Alexa carry a house?

Art Contest

The was a coloring contest advertised in the free community paper a few weeks ago. It was connected to these cow sculptures that have been decorated by local artists and placed all over downtown. It is apparently some type of fund raiser (the sculptures) and they are going to auction off the cows at the end of the summer. Well they were, a few of the cows have been vandalized. I am not sure whose bright idea it was to place a bunch of cow sculptures all over Church Street two weeks prior to graduation. Apparently some intoxicated people walking home from the bars took to cow tipping. I can't imagine how they couldn't see that coming. I could have told them that I have had flowers in the garden not make it through the series of drunks wandering home at 2 AM this time of year let alone a big cow placed oh so temptingly on the route home.

At any rate the coloring contest. When I saw it in the paper I thought the kids would have fun entering it. I am fortunate enough to have very kind neighbors who when I call them to see if I can have their paper too (two kids means you need two papers) they literally rushed it right over. So here are the entries...

Chloe's

Alexa's

Alexa became so nervous about entering a contest that I took to just telling her the people wanted to have pretty pictures to put up in their office. She liked that better. She also added a big on the right side of hers. We just finished reading Charlotte's Web so she is rather partial to pigs now.

Yard Work

Last night I was trying to put my garden hose away after watering my new plants and this happened...

This can't be good right? Clearly it was time for a new hose reel. So I headed to Lowe's this morning to get one along with some tomato cages for Lexa's tomato plants. I was a little shocked to see that a hose reel comes with this set of directions.

Is it just me or is that a lot of writing for an item such as this? Admittedly it is three languages but still.

The first step said, "This hose reel is fully assembled and requires only moments to install." Right, I have heard this before. In the end it wasn't too bad, and I even learned a few things. Things like hoses have a male end and a female end. As described in the step, "Thread male end of leader hose into in-tube." Who knew? It seemed like more than I wanted to think about with respect to a hose, but that could just be me. At any rate everything went fairly smoothly and it now looks like this...

The second task for the day was to get Lexa's tomatoes propped up. My trusty assistant worked very hard to ensure that no tomatoes were injured in this endeavor.

Those cages are a bit of a pain to untangle as the very patient guy at Lowe's could attest. It took him about 15 minutes to untangle eight of them from the pile for me. The entire time I kept saying, "I am very sorry."

To which he would reply, "Oh it is no problem Ma'am." Of course that was before I accidentally dropped one on him. After that I am pretty sure he was thinking, "Why couldn't I have just walked down a different aisle, this woman is going to kill me."

However it all ended well. We even discovered that a few have buds. She can taste them already.

It is important, by the way, to work in your swimsuit. That way you can jump in the pool with your sister when you are done. I mean is was 82 degrees here today!  

Gardening

I love the gardening store. I mean it. I really do. I love the smells and the sights. I love wandering around looking at all the flowers. I love picking them out and planning where to put them. Truthfully I shouldn't be allowed to go without a chaperone because I always end up buying more than I plan to or need. I just can't help myself.

I went today. My plan was to get the flowers for the deck and porch planters and the flower boxes. I did...give or take a  few others. I figured since I was already there, why not pick up a couple of perennials for the front flower garden too?

My flower garden in the front really got smashed last year when my house was being painted. I mean I understood and all since they need to put the ladders on top of my plants, but it still did a number on them. I did some work last summer to try to fix it. I bought as couple of new perennials and dug up a bunch of irises that were aggressively threatening the rhododendron bush. Turned out the neighborhood cats had a real fondness for the plants I put in and mowed them down to about nothing. Quite frankly it drove my obsessively neat and organized self nuts with the unbalanced bare patches. So really I can not be blamed for splurging a bit and getting a couple of new ones. I think it is in the interest of my own mental health really. I added this...

and this...

Pretty no? Now I just hope that the cats don't have a fondness for these as well. I am also happy to report that my irises that I move last August are happy enjoying their new home and even have some buds.

And the rhododendron bush doesn't miss them one little bit.

Missing Mommy

I was emptying out Alexa's backpack today after school. I came across this picture..

I asked her about it. She told me, "I was missing you so I drew this picture of us." I am the one in purple. You may have recognized me already from my tiara. I don't often wear it out of the house as it makes it hard to blend in with the common folk, but apparently my true identity of princess was outed at preschool. Perhaps now Prince Charming can show up and we can get this whole happily ever after thing going because I tell you this working for a living thing is really over rated.

Math Homework

When Chloe was about 2 her Aunt Andrea brought her an abacus. It is a really nice wooden one. For years Chloe (and now Alexa too) have used it to make patterns and designs. Now that we have entered the age of homework the abacus has a more traditional use. That of math homework helper. I pulled it our the other day when she was working on a subtraction problem. Chloe was really excited to use it and boy did help. Now it is part of our homework supplies. So thank you Aunt Andrea for helping ease our homework problems.

Doesn't she look hard at work?

And thrilled too huh?

Birthday Number 38

I can definitely say that 38 is one of those ages that I never pictured being. You know when you are a kid and you plan out your life? I am going to graduate from college at 22. Get married and have kids... and then it kind of stops. You never plan farther than that. Well, at least I never did. So I never really thought about 38. Which is nice I guess, I have no expectations. It will be what it is. I have some thoughts though. If the powers that be could direct a few things my way it would be nice. Nothing too fancy really. My doctor would like me to reduce my stress level. Apparently I am wreaking havoc with certain body systems with my current methods of suppression. Since her plans involve no coffee or chocolate and a string of rather dull foods... I am thinking something rather drastic will need to happen on that end before I die of sheer misery. So a less stressful year would be nice. A few open ended questions that keep looming around about my actual job assignment and classroom location for the future, if those could get answered that would be helpful too. If I could be with the nice people too that would go a long way on helping the stress level. Basically I want a low stress year surrounded by love and laughter. That isn't too much to ask for is it? I think number 38 is up to that challenge. What with it being a nice even number and all.

My birthday itself has been quite lovely. Today I covered lots of exciting tasks like bill paying, laundry, grocery shopping, and cleaning the floors. I had my usual 9:30AM phone call from my sister Andrea. She is slipping a bit. It is usually 9:20 given that is the time she was born. She likes to give me a briefing of what the first 3 minutes of the new year are like until I join her. It is tradition. It is more tolerable than the years I lived in New Mexico and she would call me at 6:20 AM to account for the time zones. I really enjoyed all the messages from friends and family today.

Yesterday arrived to work to find my desk piled with cards the kids had made me. About 20 former students walked into my room carrying a cake and cookies they had made and singing "Happy Birthday". My co- workers brought me a yummy cake to have during our meeting and gave me a beautiful hanging plant and new quiche dish. All this for someone who usually likes to slide under the radar where these things are concerned.

Today there are my little cake decorators. Here they are hard at work decorating this year's cake.

It was a wonderful day. I thank each of you that took the time to think of me with your notes, texts, and calls. I am truly grateful to have you all in my life.

One Year

One year ago today I started this blog. I began this as a kind of a practice run on actually putting one together. I had taken a workshop on how to use the site for work. I wanted to kind of experiment with the site, but didn’t want to connect it to my work as I wasn’t too confident in my abilities. It is best not to look like an idiot professionally. I prefer to save that for friends and family. In the end I have been totally shocked that anyone actually reads it. The idea that anyone would actually want to hear about what I have to say is novel to say the least.


I spent a large portion of my life not sharing things that were going on for me. As a result, I often felt extremely isolated and alone. Through a series of events in a 24 hour period that dealt me such a shocking blow I had no choice but to talk. My body had begun to shut down on me. I couldn’t eat, and I could sleep. I lost 15 pounds in two weeks. Now mind you I had a 6 month old baby so I still had a few pounds of baby weight to lose, but not 15 pounds worth. So I shared. I talked to the people closest to me, and they listened. I shared everything. And for a person who for so long had shared nothing. It was amazingly liberating. The most amazing thing for me was when you are feeling totally isolated you think it is just you. I can remember at one point at talking with a friend and saying, “It really can not get any worse.”

He looked at me and said, “Ang, I think you need to stop saying that.“ I started to laugh, or maybe it was cry, they both just kind of ran together in those days. The point is to find out that other people view a situation exactly the same way you do is so empowering.

This blog has become an extension of that same openness. I will always fight those inner demons that spout negativity. The amazing reality for me though has been that at the times when I write about the most stress I am under, people write back with a connection. It is a constant reminder that I am not alone. The people that have sent me comments and messages about how much they enjoy my stories about my girls amaze me. I am a single mom with a huge support network and I am grateful for it.

It doesn’t matter how you make it through something. What matters is that you make it through, and once you make it through you should reach back for someone else who needs a hand. When I share something and a person connects (with either a happy or sad event) it lets me know I am not alone. That, to me, is the greatest act of human kindness.

So to all of you who have ever read a post, thank you. Thank you for taking the time to listen to me. For those of you that comment, thank you for writing back with your words of encouragement. I am glad for those that I made laugh. For the few I made cry, I feel a powerful connection because I probably cried in writing it. I will leave you from this long post with one of my favorite quotes (song lyric actually) stuck to my freezer door, “Heavens not beyond the clouds, it’s just beyond the fear, heavens not beyond the clouds, it’s for us to find it here.” May we all find the courage and support necessary to overcome our fears as we make our way to true happiness.

Little Blue

About a month ago Chloe's class was studying penguins in science. Each child was given a penguin to make a life size picture of in the class mural. Chloe was assigned the little blue penguin. Chloe became a little blue expert. She even wants me to take us to New Zealand on vacation. I pointed out that this was a bit out of my price range, and she responded by asking me to save up. I didn't bother to tell her it is New Zealand or college because I figure I know which one she would pick.

She was so enthralled with her subject that she went to extra lengths to make sure that her penguin was done exactly right. She came home each day and detailed her progress. When the penguins were all hung up she took me to the place in the hall so we could see them. She also pointed out how other kids made mistakes in theirs: the eyes are actually yellow and the feet are pink... the beak is suppose to be black. You get the idea (no idea where she gets these perfectionist tendencies).

Well, today little blue came home.

Isn't she cute (or he who can tell with these things)? She has carved out a very special place on her book shelf for her.

She even has a buoy as a pillow. I am sure she feels right at home.

I'm You

I called the girls down to wash up for dinner tonight. Alexa arrived looking like this...

"I'm you, Mommy." Apparently she had wandered her way down to my room and decided to wear some things. Now I don't recall ever wearing two baseball hats or walking around with the race medal on, but according to her she is me. I was kind of excited by this. I was hoping that meant I could go to bed early while she stayed up and washed dishes and made lunches, but no go. She went back to being Alexa after the fun of eating dinner was over.

Chloe just though the whole thing was funny.

Well, until the new me tried to tell her what to do... then it wasn't so funny.

Mother's Day

The girls arrived home at noon today after spending the weekend with their dad. On Friday when I picked Alexa up from daycare she had a plant and card for me. The plant she let me have,

but the card she hid in her room so I wouldn't see it until today. I told her not to hide it in her bed as I would be washing her sheets while she was gone. She told me it was under something purple. I didn't think to much more about it until I tripped over this while vacuuming her room.

I couldn't figure out why it was just sitting on her floor until I moved it and the card was under it. I put it right back. She marched upstairs when she got home and gave me this...

She was really proud of herself. She also made me this...

and this...

And left me this message before leaving on Friday...

She has shouted, "Happy Mother's Day!" About once every hour especially if a certain seven year old starts to argue she shouts it over the top of the rudeness as a reminder of what day it is. Alexa loves a good holiday. Even if I did have to dress her in a hat and mittens to go swing today.