Hypothetically Speaking

I wrote a post this past summer that several people connected with enough to bring up in conversations when I would see them later. It is nice when that happens. I write mostly to clear my own head, but if someone connects in any way it is great. It makes life seem a lot less lonely when other people can relate to you. In this case it was a reference that I made about my hypothetical children. The ones I had when I use think about what having children would be like. The well behaved ones, that never yelled, hit, or behaved poorly in public places. Anyone who actually has real children use to have hypothetical children. It is par for the course. It is how we end up with the real ones to start with.

I should also say that back when I had these hypothetical children, I was a hypothetical parent. I was going to be this amazing mix of June Cleaver, Murphy Brown, and Mrs. Cosby. I would bounce back from child birth looking like some Hollywood starlet. I would never need to raise my voice. I would always calmly reason with my children and discuss things with them while they readily saw the errors of their ways. They would always be well behaved in public and the teachers would rave about their positive leadership skills and academic success in school. Of course, it went without saying, that they would be on the fast track with a full scholarship to the ivy league school of their choice. I would offer sympathy to those whose off spring were not able to achieve the same level of excellence as my own. All the while thinking to myself, "If only they would follow my example their children would be perfect too."

My point is that life works so well when it is in your head. As a real parent, I screw up sometimes. I say things I shouldn't say, and yell when I really should have more patience. We all do. It is the nature of the beast, and really nothing makes us feel better than to see some other haggard parent dreaming of a few more hours of sleep and a quiet trip to the grocery store right along with us.

Don't get me wrong this parenthood thing it is a wild ride. Most days you have the ups and downs so close together you might as well be on a roller coaster. Just today the girls came home from their dad's house where they had a weekend Christmas party. As soon as they entered the house Alexa spotted some wrapped presents that I had bought to take with us the Maine. She demanded that I give her presents. I explained that they were not for her, that I had some for her at Grammie's house, but these were for us to give to other people. I watched her launch herself into one of those kicking on the floor tantrums of greed and want that makes every parent think about giving them nothing but a cardboard box (which they do love by the way). The whole time I was thinking wow how did I end up with a kid that feels this strongly about greed and materialism? It was down right depressing I tell you.

However, later that same day the girls sat at the kitchen table and wrapped up some of the gifts they had made to take with them to give out. Alexa hopped out of her seat and headed upstairs. The next thing I know she is coming downstairs with a toy in her hand. She asked me if she could could wrap this up to give it to her new baby cousin. I took a breath in and said, "Are you sure you want to give it away? Once you give something away you can't take it back. It will be his."

She said, "I know, but I have a lot and I think he would like it." Now see that is a little more of what I had pictured. Sometimes they do become what we hope in our heads they will.